There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
