No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
