I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
