The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
