I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
