I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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