I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
