yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize