You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
