i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
