if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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