so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
