May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do herpes really smell.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
