You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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