Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
