I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
