Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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