I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
