people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
