Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
