got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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