It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
