I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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