Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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