She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Randomize
