I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
two words...techno handjob
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
