I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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