so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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