I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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