It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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