Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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