Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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