my vag is so smooth its legendary
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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