It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
