he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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