Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
