She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
