my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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