someone get that fucking seahorse.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize