i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
