I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
