If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
