you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
