She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
