the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
