i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
