I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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