We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
