i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
