They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize