i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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