Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
