No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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