Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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