my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
