had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
