Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
