So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
