Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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