he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So squirting runs in the family.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
