Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
