Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
