there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
