i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
