Will you blow on my dice?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
