I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize