I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
