he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
