Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
